I made $29.43 a second doing fundraising, once. For three minutes, 40 seconds, I sang Come Sail Away, by Styx. Karaoke style. In a sailor suit. To raise money for junkboats to Europe.

People paid me because, if you didn’t already know, I have a beautiful singing voice! OK, that’s not true. They paid $10 each for bottlerockets that they shot at me while I sang the stupid song.

Some people paid over PayPal, because they couldn’t be there at the show. We promised to write their names on the rockets. Halfway through the show I threw the “proxy” rockets out into the crowd, because they were out. It’s just a guttural, stupid fundraising technique. And boy is it effective:

I’ve done dunk tanks. I’ve told little girls that they “Throw like a little girl” from the perch of a dunk tank (dad came and gently pushed the lever as his stern, judgmental stare threw me off the deck of a ship into the abyss of the sea…)

This is from the Odeon Bar opening benefit show at CELL space, where they had a strict “No Alcohol” policy. We did a great show. We sold tap beer all night. Towards the end of the night we uncovered the dunktank.

Chris Karney on this mike announced “You’ve been drinking non-alcoholic beer all night!” Watching all my ex-girlfriends line up waving $20 bills to soak my ass was pretty terrifying. People weren’t even throwing the ball, just running up and hitting the armature. Cigerette butts floating in it. Beer cans. Garbage. Man, that was fun.

I’ve suffered for my art. Sure. We’ve all suffered for my art! Suffering for money is a fundraising path I’m no stranger to. Here is what $100 donation from Tom Price looks like:

The night I did the bottlerocket stunt, Eileen almost left me. She didn’t get it. But now when Come Sail Away comes on the radio, a smile breaks out on her face. Which you can’t see because her head is in her hands… 

I have threatened to wash cars in a bikini to raise money for art. It hasn’t come to that. Yet. It might! 

Photos on Flickr


Flickr Album Gallery Powered By: WP Frank

Chicken’s arts nonprofit, The San Francisco Institute of Possibility, is raising funds toward a $20k goal for 2020!

Here’s a few ways to support: